The official forgiveness contract

a completely serious bilateral agreement drafted in deep contrition for u dear audrey. Please review each section carefully before executing this binding document.

Article I: the gaming incident

Whereas audrey was deeply engaged in an intense session of either final fantasy or dbd (the court aka jamie remains unsure which) the undersigned jamie stupid bitch foolishly waited for her to finish playing before sending a text. Crucially the defense failed to consider the golden clause: what if Audrey was waiting for a text the entire time anyway? Absolute catastrophic miscalculation by jamie.

Article II: Terms of restitution and reparations

In restitution for this unprovoked emotional distress caused by dear jamie, the offender agrees to dedicate undivided attention, block every other living human soul if requested,and metaphorically hop off a cliff to earn full redemption. No gaming session shall ever be subjected to text radio silence again.

Article III: signature and escape clauses

To validate this pardon, the plaintiff (Audrey) must mark the official checkbox and submit her digital signature below. Please note that any attempt to select "No" will activate a mandatory 20-stage mini-game and grueling quiz before refusal is granted. Acceptance of apology is strongly encouraged.